Dear University of Queensland...

Today, as I was collected the mail, I noticed an item for me from UQ...
In a nutshell, the letter just informs me that I won't be able to study medicine at UQ. Which is nice considering that UMAT results as well as IB results have all be published and finalised...

OH NO WAIT.... THEY FUCKING HAVEN'T....

In short, and as Laurence is already WELL AWARE, the letter goes like this, and to avoid boring you I will ellipsis out the unimportant parts.

"Dear Geoffrey"
RE: Year 12 MBBS Provisional Sub Quota

Thank you for your interest in the MBBS Provisional Entry Program for Year 12 Students at the University of Queensland...
...
...
...
To change your QTAC preferences please access QTAC's Current Application Online Services...


Note that the bottom line is literally telling me how to change my QTAC preferences, which I must say fills my body with the warmth of "Mark Campbell - Admissions Manager" burning in a large log fire, started by a careless cigarette (as you do).

Of course, I'm considering writing a response letter as follows;
____________________________________________________________________
Dear Sir/Madam,

I believe you are a steaming pile of shit, and am willing to provide proof of this statement using a combination of both mathematical induction and a tape of "Home and Away" promotions.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Warm Regards,

Geoffrey Xu.
___________________________________________________________________

My revenge takes form in this cheaply produced image which I just made.



Oh yeah... and happy birthday alric =)

Wall pastage

As always, assessment, cunningly disguised as 'exams' are approaching, and just as sure as I'll wake up tomorrow grumpy and chip hungry, I'll soon be hit with a large amount of FAIL.

I can hear the english deparment sharpening their pens, in which to brutally impale anyone who dares get lower than a pass grade. On the plus side though, I won't have to write the associated 'journal reflection' (<3 grade 3) for the activity as I believe being dead is an acceptable excuse for not doing anything.
BELOW: Pre-exam levels of fail I particularly like how university is in inverted commas/quotation marks.

But yes, I thought I'd just write this post before my blog becomes neglected like those rubber bouncy balls you find in your garden every now and then... and don't lie... I know you have them in your backyard somewhere.

I also went to get a blood test the other day, because lately I've been feeling tired quite a fair bit, and more so than usual. It took me about 20 minutes to convince my doctor that I needed a bloodtest, as she was certain that it was a result of my attendance at QA, which pretty much ended up with me saying the rough politically-correct equivalent of "Give me the fucking blood test you stupid whore".

I've also wondered why everyone goes to QA, because nobody at all seems to like. My results lead me to conclude this:
If we look past the two and a bit months of schooling left to go however, you'll find that I finally submitted my QTAC preferences, and it was quite anticlimactic, in the sense that I didn't recieve and email two days later titled: "You owe us lots of money." or equivalent. That being said, I should probably stop 'artistically' using my time and rather start studying, so that my QTAC preferences don't end changing to resemble a steaming pile of turd. (which is not entirely unuseful)

General Fail (Now with 50% more fail)

EDIT: Firstly, sorry for the inconvenience of making this blog private-ish, but yeah. Lets pretend that you DO care, and that my blog is worth it (which its not!) -_-

I thought I'd just take this time spent NOT STUDYING to write a post, seeing as how lazy I've been recently...

Its a fairly pathetic effort by me really, and this will soon be drilled into my head when I get my UMAT results back, if by then I haven't been eaten by that vicious dog next door, which is actually quite possible seeing as I poke it with a stick when they're away.
I'm also running out of sticks that are a viable length because its teeth are UNNATURALLY SHARP... but then again, I'm not exactly an expert on 'canine canine sharpness'... hoho wordplay

You'll find being my neighbour is a mixed bag - Sometimes, when I'm in a foul mood, it can be very unpleasant, but at other times, I am, blissfully asleep.

School is much lighter now, with all the assignments over, and I can say, after almost twenty four semesters of schooling, I still both, - use too many commas in my sentences, and am completely tired of school.

I hear TAFE is partially government subsidised, but its a serious case of 疾足先得 if that's a correct application of that chengyu.

Oh, I also managed to spend 3.1k in three months, which I thought was amazing that a) I had that much money and b) I spent it all. And if you look at my bank statements, 95% is food related, and probably 50% is chips.
Almost beat the time I was so tired I slept on my keyboard; I have never seen so many 'b's in a word document in my life.

I really wish I had something interesting to write about. I don't want to write about anything that is related to anything knowledgeable, because I will instantly be hit with people who know far more than I do about the topic, and subsequently shut me down faster than a health inspector headed to a chinese supermarket.

But career-wise, I really have no idea of what I'm going to do, which is just as well because I'm really scared of pressing the submit button on my QTAC preferences, as I'm afraid they're going to change and lock me in for life into something useless and ludicrous, such as "A history of cushion softness". Either that or its the fee, and if I press submit its going to extort me and charge me $99340923094 dollars which I won't have, and then I will be charged unexpected fees in my bank accountzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz yayayayya wall of text.

Oh no wait, I do have something interesting...
The other day, I went up to pick 'n' pay hypermarket (I think the " 'n' " is pretentious n_n) to buy my daily suppliezz but then I went to the express checkout somebody infront of me had 13 items in the 12 item lane ZOMG SCANDAL. I swear, I could feel myself AGING, waiting for that one item to be pick up, scanned, placed in the bag... it was like some surreal nightmare.

I think I was dropped on my head as a child, and my parents were probably just "pat pat" *checks if anyone saw* *puts upright again*.

I also remember getting REALLY upset when my uncle 'stole' my nose, and to date have never really forgiven him. Last year, when I was in china and handing out pieces of cake, I gave him a slightly smaller piece... SWEET REVENGE... wordplay?

Anyhow, hopefully everyone is having a good week to date, and won't be clubbed to death by a tribe of nomadic giraffes.
N.B. If that actually happens, I can legally declare myself jesus.


Also, HBD kt =D (^)

Comment which turned to post D:

Yeah, I was just going to comment on musu/jermia's blog, but I figured that my response is so longwinded and stupid that I would be prosecuted for even trying.

After careful analysis...
"sometimes i feel like kicking or punching a massive hole in the wall... but we are currently renting and I think both my mother and the landlord would then most likely kick or punch a massive hole in my face :\"

AND THEREIN LIES THE SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM.

Punch a hole in the wall, then when he punches you, take him to court, win lawsuit, buy small island, retire fo' life.

Because, lets face it. In Australia, if some guy even looks at a chick its sexual assualt.

In fact, I'd go so far as to argue that if a priest was typing with docility about the renaissance masterpieces in the 20th century, it would be sexual assault.

But yeah, I think your mum probably needs to be verbally thanked more. Even though you're inwardly grateful, I find people are happy when you sincerely thank them.

Also I find it hard to believe that your mum has been wearing the same clothes for 15 years, because she wasn't wearing anything last night ;)

I was sick today, and my parents got angry at me for being sick, and you know me, with my wild coke parties and everything, I fail to see how it is my fault, that GOD made us biologically weak.

See what I did there? deftly sidestepping and re-appointing blame to some presumably omniscient, omnipotent anthropomorphic (thank you ICAS english) being.

And thus, to relieve any tension I recommend this therapeutic dog to solve your problems. Print it out, frame it and talk to is.

you MAY OR MAY NOT have noticed that is is simply a photo of a Dalmatian wearing a bowtie.

it has class....

Anyway, everyone is doing well, or will be doing better soon. If not, there's always QUT.

*kaching* another 'zing' at QUT.

*ticks off daily checklist*

"($#*)$*)#*$()#*$" 'd

Yeah, so pretty much THE TITLE is self-explanatory if you're SMART >.>

Not really. If you were really smart, you wouldn't be here, rather doing that thing that rich people do: turning money into more money.

But yeah, point is I feel slightly guilty for not writing anything for a long time, and for those of you who have replaced your watch with a calendar, I'm very sorry but = BUSY

My main concern atm is probably the Mandarin Individual Oral, which basically if you fuck up they'll lower all your grades and laugh at you and pretend you're from Tibet (and thus oppress you).
More to the point, on someday last week (I can't even remember my breakfast, forget about days), we listened to somebody else's individual oral which scored a 7 (out of 7).

It was pretty much something uber pro like examining "the political influence of post-colonial Japan on the development of human nature by examining the satire of 18th century Venezuelan boats."
whereas in my head, I'm pretty much envisioning a situation where I walk in and state how my topic is something cliche and easy, like "my family" or "my hobbies"
In short, screwed. (In long, SCREEEEEEWWWWEEEEEEEEED)


Also, in study I had a discussion involving how whenever I get presented with an award, nobody really can pronounce my last name, and the scenario always involves something like this:

Presenter: "And the award for (insert low-achievement award/spirit) goes to Geoffrey......
*glances at sheet*

and what happens next (YOUR INSURANCE DECIDES...no.... has anyone seen that ad or is this just now a random quote?) is either

a) Presenter: "Geoffrey.... X... U...."

b) They horribly mispronounce it and it sounds like somebody being mauled by a bobcat.

Everytime I know that this is happening, I can see EXACTLY what they're thinking, and its pretty much
"oh fuck, its one of those asian last names.... shit shit shit shit shit should I try and pronounce it... or... fuck it...I'll just spell it."
I really wonder how many stress-related illnesses I've caused............

Yes, and if I can find the link again the other day I saw this japanese commercial, which I thought to be an advertisement for formal wear, but was APPARENTLY actually a shampoo commercial which was really wtf. Are all japanese commercials like that or was that just...?

The topic in study also turned to which Uni's everybody wanted to go to, and looked up university rankings, which obviously ended up with everybody making jokes at QUT, and TAFE, which decidely stands for Training After Failing Everything.

If you think you suck at stuff, remember: there's always QUT... or fruitpicking if you are Ross lol.

Pre-Exams Blerg

I guess now that everyone is back from camp, the holidays are officially over, although that's no reason for you to take off your party hat, remove any piercings, and for me especially, to collect the money that Hillary's mum owes you.
But be nice. No compound interest. =D

But the FACTS are, there is a MF load of work to be done and it builds up faster than a construction site fueled by communist slavery. Apparently according to our principal we all have the capability to do well, but from my point of view, some people have an intellectual range of a teaspoon. And no, not a infinitely large teaspoon, but a regulation teaspoon, if such a standard exists for cutlery.

Possibly the worst part is getting mauled by domestic household cougars or vicious biodegradable plastic matter after we get our IB results back.

Evidently, 40% of the grade will faint upon seeing the exam questions, 35% will end up puking at their own ignorance and the remaining 25% will gouge their own eyes out with the blunt end of McDonalds 'Guess Who' game.
If one thing life has taught me... no wait, two things.
1) Lazy-ness pays of now, and
2) Windows has less functionality than an invisible traffic light. That is, to us non-psychic population

And just as a question. How many of you checked that those percentages before added to 100?

And as for all us asians forced to study med or equivalent, UMAT is approaching. I've said this before, but there are some similarities when it comes to science fiction and UMAT questions.
For example, I finish reading and think, "Well that's not going to happen".

There are of course, plenty of old standby's. E.g. Fruit Picking/Packing/Pucking/Pecking/Pocking?, Gypsy, Retail Salesman, Taxi Driver, Arts Degree or QUT.
I'm surprised really that my mum hasn't taken up a job as an olympic level racist.

You will be potentially happy (but most likely nonchalant) about the fact that I have more than 40c in my bank account. That of course, will be immediately recitified, but I thought I'd just record it down so later on at some point I can mock my own incompetency by ramming a chair into Akio's legs. If that is a logical thought sequence. hrm. *Ticks invisible checkbox*

Aaaaanywho, I will stop typing and jab at the mountain of work to be done. And naturally by jab, I mean "remain oblivious to".

SHI(f)T

As I said when I was watching 'The Titanic' --> "This is some majorly screwed up ship"

Just as the cliffnotes version of what happened, I basically didn't submit permission or money for the camp on Tuesday, although I did tell organising guy (Gorman) that I was going.
I really did want to go on camp, because the itinerary looks really fun, and they have hot chips... rah!

I only just realised this in the end-of-holidays-mania, where I desperately try and get all the work done that I should've. EITHER that or I could've googled "Geoffrey Xu Imminent Disaster" and probably would've come up with the same results.

But yeah. I guess I have 1 day to catch everything up. yay!

I should go back to work now, but before I do here is a crude sketch of what my current situation looks like.


Oh well. If worst comes to worst, I can always pay them with some coupons for free hugs. That's a legal currency in Australia... right guys?